Have you ever wondered how some people seem to thrive even under pressure? In this article, Carrie Doubts, founder of Life’s Next Chapter Coaching, talks about grace under pressure.

“Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.” – Peyton Manning

We all experience pressures in our lives.

We feel pressured to perform, conform, and please others. We experience financial pressures, social pressures, career and professional pressures, relationship pressures found in marriages, partnerships, parenting, and more. We want to pin the blame for the pressure we feel on outer situations, circumstances, and/or people.

We think we need to take our power back from these external forces. And when we are experiencing pressure, it’s a signal that we have an opportunity to call our energy and power back to ourselves. We just get confused on how to do that.

The dictionary defines pressure as stress, a constant state of worry and urgency. It’s a force that pushes or urges. To pressure is to compel or make someone do something.

Earnest Hemingway coined the often-used phrase, “Courage is grace under pressure.” I wonder if what he meant was that courage is the quality that gives someone poise and a sense that they can handle pressure.

People Have Different Ways Of Dealing With Pressure

Have you ever wondered what separates people who succeed under pressure from those who collapse from it? Perspective. Those who view pressure as exciting—as a fun way to play the game of life by making the stakes higher—tend to win in life. People with a strong sense of ego often thrive under pressure. It brings out the best in them.

When we’re grieving, our energy levels are depleted. We are not ourselves. We fold under the slightest amount of pressure. Pressure, when experienced without sufficient energy to counteract it, becomes stress, strain, and burden. Pressure is a demand upon us that automatically creates anxiety. It makes us want to withdraw into our shells and never come out.

It’s common for people who are grieving the loss of a spouse to feel pressured by well-meaning family and friends who offer all kinds of advice. You’re likely to hear that you need to clear out your loved one’s belongings, keep yourself busy, sell the house, move in with family, move into an assisted living facility, to move on, to fall in love again, to “get over it,” etc.

Sometimes pressure causes you to give in to what is being demanded and make a decision that you may regret later. We usually regret choices we make when we give our autonomy over to someone else and let them coerce us into following their agenda instead of doing what our heart tells us is right for us.

How you deal with pressure is a matter of perspective. Sometimes, we put pressure on ourselves to get over our grief, because we’re simply tired of feeling sad and overwhelmed all the time. This is something I hear a lot from my clients. However, grief runs its course in its own timing and will not be pressured into submission just because we want to get rid of it.

Feeling Pressured Is A Choice

Pressure is a force, and force needs a counterforce to be activated. Ultimately, it is contraction and fear-based thinking. As Peyton Manning says above, pressure is an indication that we feel vulnerable and “don’t know what the hell we are doing.”

Here’s the key: Other people or outer circumstances don’t pressure us. Pressure is a feeling we generate inside of us in reaction to stressful outer stimulus. Since it is something we are creating, we have the opportunity to create something else instead. That is how we get our power back.

When you feel pressured, where do you feel it in your body? Typically, we’ll feel pressure in our head, heart, and belly. I know when I feel pressured, I feel like I’m in a vice. It’s like I have to push back just to continue existing. It took me a long time to figure out that feeling pressured is a choice.

And Then There’s Grace

Grace is another choice available to all of us. Grace is the opposite. Grace is the generosity of spirit. It’s a gift from God. It’s freedom. Grace is prayerful. Choosing grace means that I don’t have to do everything by myself. I can call on spiritual assistance. I can trust that everything will be done in its own timing. I can trust myself to handle what’s in front of me. I can relax.

Are you feeling pressured? Relax. You don’t have to buy into it. You don’t have to do anything that you feel pressured to do. Choose grace. Choose peace. Choose freedom.

The original article was first published in Life’s Next Chapter Coaching.