Have you ever found yourself at a networking event stuck in one corner and fiddling with your phone, waiting for someone to talk to? Life and career coach Lea Berry shares some pro tips if you’re a shy networker.

Stepping out of your normal routine to meet strangers can sound pretty daunting when put it in that context. If you’ve ever found yourself at an event holding your bag and drink while staring at your smartphone, you’ll know what I mean. It seems like at every event, there are people chatting, laughing, and bouncing from group to group. And then there are the quiet ones looking around for someone to talk to.

The longer you seem to look around for someone to talk to, the more your nerves set in and you begin to feel as though attending the event was a big mistake. This happens when we begin disconnecting ourselves from the group—creating space both physically and mentally from everyone around us.

As humans, we are wired for connection—whether that be one-on-one or in a group setting. The cautionary advice for networking is don’t let yourself look at your phone for too long. By long, I mean more than a quick glance at your home screen.

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, we’ve all had moments where we find ourselves alone, looking at the others chatting in groups. It doesn’t bring up good thoughts to see everyone else having fun. It can bring up some ugly and old insecurities about not fitting in.

When you take time out of your evening to network, it can feel like a huge letdown if you can’t connect with someone quickly or meet a lot of interesting people. So here are my top, pro tips to getting you out of the corner and into the conversation quickly to maximize your networking time.

Tip #1: Improve Your Networking Mindset

Your mindset is tricky when you’re in a group setting. You know when you are the outlier in a larger room pretty easily. When you get into a good conversation, those insecurities tend to melt away pretty fast.

When you are alone at an event not talking to anyone, don’t allow the “I’m not interesting” fear to pop in. The question isn’t what’s wrong with you. The question you need to ask yourself should be, “Who can I break the ice with?” By focusing on your next move, you’re taking yourself out of your own head and into action.

If you see a group of people laughing, approach the group and ask if you can join in, even if their backs are to you. They will open up and allow you to introduce yourself and get to know everyone in the circle fairly quickly. It’s a big win if you are scanning for someone to have a one-on-one conversation afterward.

If you see one person who is at the bar ordering a drink, consider going up to the bar and starting the conversation there. If you aren’t a drinker, grab a soda. If you already have a drink, go up and grab a bar napkin, lime, or a straw. Chatting at the bar is a great way to introduce yourself to someone one-on-one if you shy away from the group conversations. They can also invite you to walk over to their group if they are in one. Politely accept and join in. Having someone introduce you or mention that they invited you makes you intriguing to the group and they will be excited to hear more about you.

Tip #2: Invite People In, Subtly

When done right, however, you can make strangers your connections fairly quickly. Don’t allow your posture or voice to deter people from approaching you as well. When you keep yourself in the corner on your phone, it’s difficult to make eye contact.

Making eye contact is the quickest and easiest way to send someone a signal that you’re open to talking. Once eye contact is made, the smile comes next, then you open up verbal introductions.

Tip #3:  Keep Your Phone Interactions Minimal

People want to spend that time talking to you. And when you are trying to make a good first impression, show them that they are important by keeping your attention solely on them. If you’re in a group setting, keep your attention to the person talking.

The best time to get your phone out is when you want to plug in someone’s contact details, especially if they don’t have a business card. You can also whip out your phone to broadcast on social media where you are or you want to schedule a follow-up with someone. The second the phone comes out when you aren’t talking with someone, you could miss the eye contact and connection to start up the next conversation!

Network The Smart Way

When you find yourself at your next event and looking around to start your first or next conversation, remember these tricks. They can help you move from stuck to moving quite quickly.

The original version of this article was published on the Lea Berry Coaching website.

We are the leaders, activists, innovators, and visionaries – whether in the public eye or behind the scenes – who are revolutionizing the way people think and live. We are #ConnectedWomen.
Join the Connected Women community now, it’s free!