I suddenly lost my father when I was 23. He didn’t have a will, and our family couldn’t access his bank account, so we were suddenly out of funds.

I had a protected life up until that point, and this strain, coupled with my grief, completely knocked the wind out of me.

A few years later, three months into my marriage, I realized the extent of my husband’s debts for the first time. My savings and our jobs weren’t enough to repay everything. A few months later, in 2008, we both lost our jobs.

In 2011, I was pursuing my MBA in France and my husband, who had a good job then, was supposed to sponsor my living expenses, but midway he stopped. My mother was also diagnosed with a terminal illness at this time, and her house was mortgaged for my educational loan. So, there I was, in a new country, with limited funds and no job, and emotionally broken. I had to find a way to finish my MBA, get a job, free the mortgage, and tend to my mother.

How did I react in each situation? To begin with, I was constantly angry and bitter at the people I loved, that I had trusted, and who had let me down. Yes, even my father, because he left! None of it was my fault. This wasn’t fair! Every time, I felt like a victim. Miserable, disgusted, and most importantly, totally helpless and powerless. But I also became resilient and I had an agenda: survive and generate income, leveraging my passions.

I pulled through, eventually. Later, in retrospect, I realized how my struggles actually taught me some valuable lessons.

1. Own And Create Your Life With Positivism

If a situation is in your life, you need to take responsibility for it. Blaming others gives them control and makes you powerless. I have realized in the last five years that it is possible to be hopeful and positive even through grief, and my life literally transformed. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but YOU and only you have the power to decide how you will perceive and react to the situation, and that determines the future. Your move.

2. Get Creative With Solutions

Each day, I would write down at least five ways I could generate income. Sometimes, it meant doing small assignments for my friends and they would buy me dinner. Solutions beget solutions.

3. Add Value To Others

For me to have an income, people needed a reason to invest in me, and I quickly learned that I had to help THEM in some way, instead of wondering how they could help me.

4. Have A Sense of Purpose

Even though I persevered and survived, I realised that only thinking of a materialistic outcome wasn’t a happy feeling. When you truly want to help others, you have a sense of purpose and that’s when life becomes fulfilling.

5. Focus On Your Goal But Stay Flexible

At 23, I was keen on a job in advertising as an art director. I didn’t have the skills to get one, so while I worked on my portfolio, I used my writing and basic design skills to become an online greeting card designer. I had a source of income (with a job that would hone my skills further), in a creative field until I got my “real” job in advertising.

6. Be Self-Aware

As an MBA, one can do many jobs. But I knew that no matter how desperate I was and if I tried to be an investment banker or a management consultant and managed to get a job, I would suck at it as well as be miserable. A balance of business and creativity, of logic and emotion, got my adrenaline pumping. I zoomed in on such work, even when I was broke.

7. Communicate Effectively

For us to survive in 2008, my husband and I needed to have a savings plan. I shared my ideas with him, but his point of view differed a bit. The clear communication helped us know where we stood and what the next steps would be.

8. Be Humble And Let Others Lead Too

During my MBA, I relentlessly chased my dean for part-time jobs in the school. I told him I could suggest some job ideas, but he has the campus experience that I don’t, and may know of more solutions that I can think of. And he did. By the time I left his office, he had made three calls, and the following week, I had a job assisting a professor with research.

9. Balance Vulnerability With Self-Confidence

People didn’t need to know my situation, and if they did, I didn’t deny it. Like my MBA professor who knew my story, I admitted that I was in a difficult place, but that’s not why she would hire me. Honestly, it was against my ego to be pitied, so I explained how I could help her, and she respected that. Vulnerability does not equal to weakness.

10. Listen Actively

This is something that I really didn’t do very well then! I was so focused on my emotions and passion that I didn’t always listen to the subtle messages people gave me, even non-verbally or between the lines. For example, my ex-husband tried to indirectly explain his debt actions to me, but in my anger, I didn’t listen enough, which created a lot of rifts.

So I learnt some things while coping with my struggles, and some lessons happened only later. If you’re facing some challenges now, just know that you’re actually growing and becoming more powerful because of it. If possible, even try to appreciate the challenges, as they will lead to something better. They always do.

Take control of your life. Be powerfully YOU.

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