The “circuit breaker” is a month-long, enhanced safe distancing measure declared by the Singapore government asking people to stay at home and leave only for essential services to reduce the spread of COVID-19 and ‘flatten the curve’.

If you’re like me and know that you’re not built to be a Stay-At-Home-Mum, the announcements made by PM Lee on the 3rd of April 2020 must have sounded like a death sentence to you.
Kids. At Home. All Day. Everyday.

KILL

ME

NOW.

Working from home is not a new phenomenon for me, since I’ve done that for a few years already, and especially when my babies were born (what maternity leave?). Also, it got less stressful and daunting because there’s this blessed thing called “school” and “pre-school” so that kids are out of the house for at 6-8 hours.

How am I going to survive working from home, with 3 kids aged 4-8, yapping about my head all.the.time?? And the fights? Ohhhh the fights.

The eldest one has Home Based Learning, so he’ll be kept occupied. And he’s not a high maintenance sort of kid, so I’m not so worried about him.

My 2 little girls are much more spirited, and they seem to have the best sister relationship. Which is good and bad because they can play together, but they also get up to no good together, like the time when one of them put gum in the other one’s hair to “moisturize” the hair.

In any case, here are some easy to implement pointers that will save you some angst (and premature aging):

Tip #1: Set Boundaries and Reinforce Them

Before I have to get on a conference call, I’d usually inform my kids and helper first. And then I’d follow up with,”So DON’T DISTURB ME” with a “And-I-Mean-Business-So-You-Better-Listen-Or-Else” look.

It usually works, except sometimes with the youngest because, well, she’s only 4. She sometimes barges into the study (ya there’s no lock) and I would point at her and shoot her my very best and stern “Mummy’s busy” look to stop her in her tracks. So, by the way, if you’re on a conference call with me and you see me suddenly glance sideways with this look on my face, now you know why. BBC Dad, move over.

And now because of covid19, grandparents might not (and should not) be helping so much. I’ve found a way to do my work beside my kids with some rules enforced for a limited period of time. If they want to be in the study with me, they need to be quiet. They can colour, practice writing, or do their homework. If they have questions, they can ask me, but when it’s not a good time, I will let them know. It’s not just parents who have to adjust to the kids. Kids need to learn to adjust to parents’ work schedule and style. I’ve found teaching my kids to respect my boundaries work too, but of course I’d still have to be flexible to deal with someone’s meltdown somewhere in the house because another someone did something to this first someone.

Tip #2: Teach Your Kids?

If anything, this is a time for self-awareness. I can’t talk to my kids like how I talk to any employee or freelancer that I hire. I can’t send them a Standard Operating Procedure and get them to read it and implement (hmm or can I?? Yeah no). Not all my kids know how to read yet!

I know I’m not good at teaching my own kids with the kind of attention and patience that they need for long stretches of time, because I get impatient, and just… please don’t make me teach my babies! It will just ruin our relationship. (My respect to all teachers!)

There’s lots of free stuff online that your kids can watch and learn, like this (free) online drawing classes on YouTube (which I highly recommend) called Art for Kids Hub. They can learn how to draw for hours on end because there’s so much content, and my kids are a bit older so they are usually kept occupied for over an hour, and I can go do what I need to do.

There’s also a list circulating on WhatsApp for lots of online resources for the kids. Let me know if you want me to send it over to you!

I do understand that sometimes there’s just no choice and we gotta get our hands dirty. In these times, what I found works best for me is to teach the kids in 10-15 minute blocks, and then take a 5 minute break. This is especially so when I’m trying to explain something and the poor kid is just not getting it because I’m not explaining it in a way that they understand. At the end of a session without breaks we’re both exasperated and my kid just thinks I don’t love them anymore cos I become Mother Dragon, and fire is coming out my nostrils. (Yeah, not even Tiger. Dragon!)

Tip #3: “Outsource” Is Not a Dirty Word

I find running my household like how I run a business works for me. Whatever I can outsource, I will outsource. I train my helper to take care of things for me, and I ask the kids’ grandparents for help where they can help.

This allows me to take care of my business, and also be there for my kids in a way that is meaningful to me. Besides the occasional hugs and kisses throughout the day, or if they have an ouchie to show me and ask me to kiss their pain away, or if they just need me to listen to the bad day they had in school, I spend an hour a day getting them ready for bed. This is their time, and I try to keep it as sacred as possible. Just me and them, no helper, no nothing. We read books together, do activity books together, I give them massages, or we just talk, laugh and play. The good thing about working from home is, I can be there for bedtime most days.

If there aren’t options like the helper or grandparents, there are still some things that can be outsourced, like meal preparations for example. Hit me up if you need good contacts for home cooked type food delivery.

I’ve found there’s no glory in doing everything myself, because at the end of it, I’m stressed out, tired, cranky and just not good for anybody or my business. Life just becomes a huge to-do list without any end in sight – and that kills the soul and sparks no joy.

Amidst the chaos, I find intentionally carving out some time to recharge helps me cope, connect with myself and also helps me get creative. It doesn’t have to be at the end of the day when the kids are asleep, and there’s finally quiet in the house, though those couple of hours are precious to me too. Sometimes I just have a song I like on loop, the entire day, because it helps me focus, and nourishes me. Sometimes, it can be as simple as playing Words With Friends on my phone.

Whatever it is, we’re in this together!

What are your plans for when you’ll need to work from home with the kids around? Leave a comment or get in touch with me at thebrandadvantedge.com.