“They  dumped  a  can  of  insects  on  me… and  I  thought  they  were my friends.”

17-year-old Tanya (name changed for this article), a survivor of bullying, shared this with me bravely while I shuddered upon hearing her words. Today she is a confident teenager who is active in debating, theatre, and writing. But not many people know about the baggage she carries from the days she was badly bullied – as well as all the panic attacks. Surveys show one out of three children in the age group 7-14 get bullied, and it can be very scary. Many parents wonder what they can do to protect their child from bullying.

Bullying can leave kids with short-term and long-term side effects. It could be physical or psychological. It could happen at any age – from kindergarteners to adults. So something has to be done about it!

Here are 10 tips that you can utilize to protect and support your child in the fight against bullying:

1. Keep Your Communication Channels Open
Many studies have come up with findings showing that more than anything else, kids are looking for someone to talk to when they get bullied.

Signe Whitson, author of 8 Keys To End Bullying: Strategies For Parents & Schools, and Friendship & Other Weapons: Group Activities To Help Young Girls Ages 5-11 To Cope With Bullying, says –

“Encourage your child to tell trustworthy adults about any instances of bully behavior, either in his own life or that he sees occurring with a peer.”

Does your child feel comfortable enough to share excerpts from their life with you? When your child is able to share their mistakes and shortcomings with you without being criticized, you are helping them to develop their trust in you.  Develop this trust as early as you can so that they will let you be in their life when they most need you.

2. Involve Your Child In Finding A Solution To The Situation
Even after suffering bullying for a few years, Tanya’s parents did not know what she was going through. “I have a very supportive family. I talked to them after getting bullied for the first time, and they went to school and spoke with the teachers about it. This is what many parents do. But in my case, it backfired. The bullies retaliated, and took revenge on me. I was young, and I was scared. To protect myself from further retaliation by the bullies, I hid every such incident from my family thereafter.”

Your child is not always looking for your direct involvement in the event of bullying. Many times, what they need are your tips, and unconditional support in handling the situation. Discuss your plan with your child, incorporate their suggestions, and tackle it together. Your support will give them the strength to handle the situation with confidence. This will develop their self-confidence to handle similar situations in the future.

3. Help Your Child Feel Proud Of Their Strengths
During a workshop, I spoke to a group of 10-11 year old boys about their observations on  bullying. They said that they see bullying starting more on a verbal level, rather than on a physical level. Usually, it starts in the form of teasing. The topics of ridicule vary – from appearance, learning difficulties, speaking styles, unique strengths, and many more. In Tanya’s case, the bullying had started when her friends came to know about her learning difficulty.

Diversity is becoming the way of life. People come from different backgrounds, with various skills and abilities. Being able to understand and respect people different from themselves will pave your child’s way towards acceptance by and for others.

Rather than your child feeling embarrassed about their shortcomings, and losing confidence, focus on boosting your child’s confidence by giving opportunities for them to showcase, and excel, in their talents. With this, you are not only protecting your child from bullying – you are also empowering them to protect themselves.

4. When Friends Become Bullies, What Can You Do To Protect Your Child From Bullying?

Many a times, you will come across friends turning into bullies. This is what happened to Jay (name changed for this article): even he didn’t realize he was getting bullied. It started with his friend Nate (name changed for this article) pushing him into a swimming pool one day. Jay insisted to his parents that his friend did it unintentionally. Over the years, many such incidents happened which, Jay convinced his parents, were not intentional bulling. Finally, one day when Nate teamed up with another bully and kicked Jay, Jay realized how his good-heartedness was taken for granted. Teach your child what real friendship is. If your child needs to make unreasonable sacrifices, or suffer insensitive ridicules from their friends, perhaps it is not a friendship worth investing in.

5. When The Bullied Becomes The Bully

If your child is a survivor of bullying, there are two things that you need to check:

– Your child continues to remain safe and confident

– Your child is not bullying anyone

Tanya told me she had developed a tendency to bully others once she learned how to stand up to her bullies. She  said, “I am not sure why I started doing that. Perhaps I wanted to show my ex-bullies that I am strong and bold, and  they can’t touch me anymore.” Luckily, in her case she realized her mistake at a very early stage and was able to nip it successfully.

In another bullying incident I witnessed, the mom of the bully could not believe her son had bullied. She said, “My son always used to be at the receiving end of bullying. I don’t believe he can bully others.”

When you instil confidence in your bullied child, ensure that they are developing confidence – not arrogance. This is essential in protecting your child from bullying, as well as protecting them from becoming bullies.

6. Does Your Child Show Bullying Tendencies?

Many children may not understand that some of their actions are bullying in nature. If your child is showing bullying tendencies, make them understand the effects of their behavior.

Bullying is all about power. Some kids turn to bullying, or hang around with bullies, to avoid being victims themselves. Bullies feel the world treat them unfairly. So they need help as well.

One mom told me it is better for her child to bully than be bullied. Bullying is not a childhood behavioural pattern that vanishes once the child gets into adulthood. If you do not nip bullying in the bud, it turns into other serious forms of aggression as the child grows up.

If you see your child speaking or behaving in a negative way, your child needs to explicitly hear from you that it is unacceptable.

7. Not All Disagreements Are Bullying

Children develop their social skills during their school years. Give them opportunities to express their viewpoints. Let them understand that it is ok to have an opinion different from others. The difference between disagreements and disputes is in the way opinions are expressed.

Help your child to develop their communication skills. This will prepare them to express their viewpoints effectively and to respond to other people’s viewpoints in the right way. Teaching effective communication skills are a major part of protecting your child from bullying. However, if you observe repeated harassment, physical or psychological in nature, it is bullying.

8. Help Your Child’s School Address Bullying Effectively

Encourage your child’s school to develop policies regarding bullying. Work with the school to support your child with protection against retaliation.

9. Get Professional Help If Needed

Tanya’s parents came to know about her problems at a late stage. At that stage, they took her to a counselor and later relocated to another city. If you think your child is in a very difficult situation, get professional help.

10. Report To Law eEnforcement Officials If You Suspect Something Serious Is Going On

We have read and heard about many unfortunate incidents related to bullying. If you think the mental or physical harassment your child is facing is criminal in nature, do not hesitate to contact law enforcement officials. After all, there is nothing more worthy than your child’s life. So protect your child from bullying.