Always keep a bottle of champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes, the special occasion is that you’ve got a bottle of champagne in the fridge. (Hester Browne) 

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart. (Erma Bombeck) 

Wine gives one ‘ideas’, where as champagne gives one ‘strategies’. (Roman Payne) 

I’d give up chocolate, but I’m not a quitter. 

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again, my cellulite must have déjà vu. (Jane Wagner) 

Gluten free, dairy free, fat free – I love this champagne diet! 

You better cut the pizza into four pieces, because I’m not hungry enough to eat six. 

Warning: I’m exercising, eating right, and watching my alcohol intake. Which means I’m sober. I’m cranky and I’m sore. So proceed with caution. 

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. (Orson Wells) 

I screwed up my diet for this Monday. Looks like I‘ll have to wait until next Monday since diets can’t possibly start on any other day of the week. 

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but God said love your enemy. (Frank Sinatra) 

The only way I’m eating healthy is if I write “healthy” on top of this cake with frosting. 

Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint. (Mark Twain) 

I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. (W.C. Fields) 

Skinny people are easy to kidnap. Stay Safe – Eat Cake.  

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.  

You are what you eat. That’s funny. I don’t remember eating a sexy beast this morning. 

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number in a diamond. (Mae West) 

A good man can make you feel strong, full of energy and able to take on the world. No sorry – that’s coffee. Coffee does that. 

Happiness is knowing there’s cake in the oven. 

Dear diet, things just aren’t working between us. It’s not me, it’s you. You’re tasteless, boring, and I just can’t stop cheating on you. 

Everyone thinks it’s a girl’s dream to find the perfect guy. It’s actually every girl’s dream to get thin by eating cup cakes.  

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands again the table edge and pushing it back.

The only thing this juice diet has cleansed me of is the will to live.

One of the nicest things about life is that we must regularly stop whatever we are doing and devote our attention to eating. (Pavarotti) 

Chocolate comes from the cocoa tree, which is a plant. So chocolate is salad. Period.  

Cake is the answer no matter the question. 

Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee. 

A balanced diet means chocolate in both hands. 

I’m on the Gin & Tonic diet – so far I’ve lost 2 days.

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets. (Dolly Parton) 

My friend thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face. 

Vegetables are a must on a diet – I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. (Jim Davies) 

How do I like my eggs? – In a cake. 

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. (Robert Hutchins) 

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere. 

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. 

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards. 

Older people shouldn’t eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get. (Robert Orben) 

Whoever said ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ has clearly never had cupcakes, or wine, or chocolate, or pizza. 

Inside some of us is some thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a pieces of chocolate cake. 

I thought ‘clean eating’ was devouring cup cakes while mopping the floor. 

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves. 

I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio. 

If you weren’t supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge? 

I drink to make other people more interesting. (Ernest Hemingway) 

You can’t buy happiness but you can buy ice-cream.  

If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food? 

I’ve been on a diet for 14 days, and all I’ve lost is 2 weeks. 

I am not fat; I’m a nutritional overachiever.