Once during a casual conversation, a friend mentioned that being in the wedding industry must be better than before as divorce rates are rising, hence the industry will see more weddings than before when people marry again. 

We immediately jumped to object. While commercially he may not be wrong, after going through the special with them wedding planning process with a couple, we are always rooting for their “happily ever after”.

We witness many couples ironing out issues throughout the wedding process and it is very meaningful when they share nuggets of how they deal with the issues. The highs AND the lows. It’s not just about the lows, you know. Celebrating the highs the right way can drive the happiness level through the roof!

Many couples have asked us to share the secrets of staying happy as a couple so we interviewed a few of our couples, friends and our team across all marriage stages – from pre-wedding, newlyweds, with and without kids, even those who had to go through a rough patch (you know what I mean).

Here are some tips and lessons we have compiled for you in the first in a two-part series.

Tips For Her:

1. Resist the urge to complain about his parents (aka the MIL and FIL).

The wedding planning process is a hot bed for disagreements. And guess what, it doesn’t end at the wedding. “What? Nobody told me that!” “What happened to my happily ever after?!?”

Many brides and daughter-in-laws find some level of difficulty in communicating effectively with their in-laws, especially the MIL (mother-in-law). To be polite, they hold it all in, feel miserable and then complain to their husbands after that, hoping that he will stand up for her or, express her wishes without offending the in-laws, in other words  to“handle your parents.”.

While your man might be keeping quiet, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t mind it at all. Imagine if your spouse was constantly complaining to you about your parents, wouldn’t you feel offended or uncomfortably embarrassed?

Simply put yourself in his shoes. Vice versa for you men out there too, if you are guilty of this!

2. Know your bottom line and stick to it. Agree to disagree.

Yes, sometimes we want to stick to our guns and get our point across (and hopefully win), pick your battles wisely. Know which issues to let go of, and quit insisting on matters that at the end of the day, are not of critical importance to you, but may be for him.

3. If you cannot change him, change the way you look at him.

What are you doing trying to change him anyway? Just because we might be willing to change for our men doesn’t mean that they should be expected to change according to the ‘issues’ on our TO-CHANGE checklist. It also doesn’t mean that they don’t care.

To expect a man to change into your prince charming is to set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, ask yourself what you really can or cannot live with, and change your perception towards it. Love him for who he is. He isn’t perfect, and neither are you or I.

4. Who exactly is at fault should not be your number 1 focus.

Everyone comes from a different background, with different values, and during times of differences, will stand on different grounds. The fact is, as a couple, when one loses, both lose. When both are happy and work as one, both win by a factor of more than just 1+1.

5. Give face when you have to.

We are all for girl power, but one strength of women is to be able to stand up and back off. Maneuver the delicate balance of strength and gentleness to our achieve goals. Note: not to manipulate, but to exercise EQ.

Like it or not, the Asian society still places a premium on “face.”. You may have been advised by some wives to ‘give face’ to your husband, especially in public. And hey, people don’t always need to know who the real winner is. *winks*

Moving On To The Next Stage Of Your Lives
Even after having kids, abstain from having your conversation topics revolve around kids, and household chores, and related issues.

A marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. To keep the flames burning long and strong, you will have to engage each other on different levels, not just what you are facing on a day-to-day basis.

Never Stop Finding Common Goals and Topics
Many online articles tell us that we should find common interests and activities to do as a couple. The thing is, sometimes it is hard to find common activities -. e.g. shopping, soccer, fishing, watching soapy dramas – these are all activities that tend to be more interesting to one gender than their other half’s. Congrats to those who have similar activities they both enjoy!

For the rest of us, always find a common goal that both are aligned towards. This will create a lot more to talk about and ensure that you have something to look forward to together. It can be a financial goal, a career goal, a life goal or anything you can both work towards. Sure, the paths you both take may differ, but as long as the end point remains clear, it will create a magical bond that brings you closer together.

Be:

• His wife who will always be with him dependably, take care of him and the family;
• His soul mate who will always understand him and he will be able to talk to you about anything;
• His best friend who he will always be able to have fun with, the one who he will always want to travel with and share good news with;
• His confidante who he can tell his darkest secrets and insecurities with and will not judge him no matter what; and
• His lover who will always adore him and not tie him down with the troubles of life

Play the different roles right. Yes, you can, and while you are at it, have a heck of a time doing it!

And if there are men reading this now, please do this for your wife too, pretty please.

We hope you enjoyed the first post of the series, stay tuned for the next one!.

Post in the comments below and share your own tips – or any questions you would like answered!

Visit La Belle Couture page to find out more about Peiru’s work.