Recently, a post from Huffington Post by Isabelle Tessier, “I want to be single but with you”, has more than 30,000 shares and still counting.

Alas, this is not about dissecting her wonderfully cute article. But, as a woman in this age, I do totally understand what she meant. For the first time, our generation has true choices: the very same choices as men. Women that do not rely on men to care for them financially. Women who are totally independent in all senses. Birth control. Education. Equal opportunity careers. Travel…

And, to be honest, we are sort of confused. I look at the two female generations before me: my mum and my grandma. My grandma is a traditional wife and mother. So is my mum. But that’s where the similarities end. My grandma is happy and very contented, while my mum is miserable. Well, grandma survived WWII, so nothing is going to get her down. My mum, meanwhile, was constantly searching for her significance in this world, and still is.

I believe her discontent with her own life is a result of timing. She was born when girls were beginning to be allowed to go to school and have a real career^[1] (that wasn’t only limited to teachers, nurses and secretaries). As with all women of her time, she was given a chance to choose: a traditional role like her own mother, or carve a difficult but new path for herself. For her, she was too timid and chose the traditional role of financially-dependent wife like her own mother. With that, she despises her own life.

The rest of the pioneering women of my mum’s generation have paved the way for us. Feminism was their battle. To be recognised with the big boys. To compete and to play on eye-level. They did that so the girls of our generation don’t have to. We have our education, our career, and our freedom to be whatever we want to be, wherever we want to in the world.


But What Now?

The feminists of our mum's generation burnt bras, wore mini-skirts and had pre-marital sex. They worked hard, were one of the boys and even behaved like a man in the boardroom.

We don't have to fight to sit in boardrooms anymore. But we have another battle. A different type of battle. We have the emotional battle: we want to be feminine and still have it all.

Most of mum's generation are split into two equals: (eventual) housewives or career-driven spinsters. I'm not interested in either of these options. I want a third option. One that is none of these two extremes.

I want my freedom of choice. I want to have my own life. One that I've been cultivating all these years through college and my own high-flying career. And yet, I want to be married. I want to share my life with someone. Together and yet not. Our lives intertwined but with distinct selves. Living together and letting the other have their own space. To have intelligent arguments, not typical Hollywood arguments. I want to have my own personal identity and still be the other half for a man.

I want to love and be loved. But the love I have for myself is so great, that any love that comes my way has to flow fluidly with mine.

I'll get married if it's the new height of us. I'll change my religion if his is better. I'll change my name if it makes my name sound even cooler. I want to cook and play house with my man. Women of my generation truly embrace, enjoy and understand the freedom that we have.

We're not angry with men like the previous generation are. We're are feminists but not the Hollywood depiction of feminism. We understand that we are our own individuals and are true equals of men. And, after all that, we still want to be someone's wife. But if it doesn't happen, we'll be alright.

_{Edited by Nedda Chaplin
Image credit:
Fanya & Lime
Freedom traveler by Shutterstock
Citations:
[1] Miller, J., Schooler, C., Kohn, M. L., & Miller, K. A. (1979). Women and work: The psychological effects of occupational conditions. American Journal of Sociology, 66-94.}

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