Have you ever been struck by news that throws your focus off so much that it is impossible to get any work done? Work that until the news struck, was inspiring and you were on a roll, moving forward with speed and efficiency.

Suddenly, though, a shock to the self becomes so overwhelming that you strain to remember why you were so excited about it, and you wonder “where on earth did I find the energy to do that and how can I ever be that organised again?”

Such shock can come from loss of a job, a relationship, a home, or a loved one. The shock usually involves grief that permeates our cells almost to the point of numbness. This is particularly so with the loss of a loved one.

The five stages of normal grief as put forth in the famous 1969 book by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross “On Death and Dying” are:

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

1 to 4 can happen in any order and mix, but the ideal is to arrive at Acceptance. If you would like to learn more about the five stages of grief, you can read about them here.

Jennie Wright, editor for “Recover From Grief”, a Registered Nurse with many years of practice as an ICU nurse, has a model called the 7 Stages of Grief, and these are:

1. Shock & Denial
2. Pain & Guilt
3. Anger & Bargaining
4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction & Working Through
7. Acceptance & Hope

On Jennie’s webpage she also has some lovely ways of expressing grief through creative grieving, such as through art, music or creating a memorial page. Furthermore, there is this guidebook: Back To Life! Your Personal Guidebook To Grief Recovery, downloadable for free here.

If anyone you know is going through grief, help her understand these phases, and team up with close friends to see where she is at. It is good for her to understand what the stages are, but it is difficult to see it oneself, so outside vision is a comfort.

What do we do, though, when we just have to “get our act together” and go back to work? Our focus can be diminished, or priorities changed, we may be forgetful and unmotivated. And yet we have to work. It can feel almost impossible to get back into a work rhythm. If this is the case, try to arrange things so that you can take more time to grieve.

Paolina Milana, in her article “Grief at the Office: How to Deal With the Worst When You Still Have to Work” suggests that when we have to go back to work when grieving, we need to:

1. remember to be kind to ourselves
2. stay active
3. live our own life to the fullest

But, specifically in the office, this webpage is full of very practical tips that both the griever and the co-workers can apply.

I would love to rewrite the entire article “Grieving in the Workplace: Coping With Loss” here, but please read it for yourself and consider these few highlights:

• Ease into your routine. Talk to your supervisor about lightening your workload or getting some help with your duties for a while following your return to work.

• Ask for an extra 15-minute break once or twice a day and a place to be alone if it will help you.

• Expect that you may have trouble concentrating and remembering information. Ask co-workers to write down, email or text important information to you.

These Alberta Government Learning Information Services webpages include wonderful tips for co-workers and here is one for the employer: "Employers: Helping Your Employees Cope With Loss”.

From personal experience, do let colleagues, partners, supervisors, business partners, etc. know what you are going through, but don’t let the mantra of grief become so overwhelming that it becomes an excuse for not getting anything done. At some point, we need to push ourselves to just get up and get one thing done. Positive action yields positive results and even the smallest things become victories at the workplace.

I am interested to know of good experiences of grief counsellors in Singapore, particularly those who focus on positive action. Do send me your feedback and experiences by email or in the comments below. Thank you!

Pauliina

Raw Food Chef and Practising Shaman

I am designing a 2016 Spring Bali Retreat. This retreat is for women by women. Let me know what an ideal retreat in Bali would be like for you below!

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