As guests at a wedding, it can be confusing as to how much to give in the red packets or ang paos. After all, it is a matter of “face” – give too little and the host might think you are stingy; give too much and people might think you are showing off (although they won’t really complain, unlike the former).

In Singapore, there are unspoken rules of giving red packets at Chinese weddings. Traditionally, red packets are regarded as auspicious, and the act of giving ang paos at weddings is close to mandatory. In Singapore, the tradition of gifting isn’t quite as well accepted as it is in the United States. Bridal shower concepts are also not as common; before the wedding, the bride’s friends and family shower her with gifts and presents that she will need. Perhaps, being Asian, money is more practical.

Annually, lists of red packet rates are released by some websites. These are usually loosely based on the banquet costs per head.

In layman’s terms, this amount is the average amount you should be giving, or are expected to give. In statistical terms, it is known as the “mean”, and how much more or less you can give is known as the standard deviation.

Anyway, back to the laymen’s terms. If you are on excellent terms with the bride or groom, you can add S$50 or S$100 to this average amount. Most guests, however, would opt to be safe and just give the average amount because it is only polite. In the event that you are a student, unemployed or are not particularly close with the bride or groom, you can give slightly less. If you are a colleague, feel free to give the average amount, but if you are the boss you are expected to give more. The problem nowadays in Singapore is that inflation is rampant and, therefore, venue and reception costs are rising everywhere. Therefore, be sure to always check this “list” of wedding reception venues for red packet rates!

There is a myth that restaurants and buffet options are cheaper than usual dinner banquets. Often, though, buffet rates are not listed: they often cost the same as dinner banquets! Even if the couple doesn’t select a hotel venue in a grand ballroom, dinners in an intimate restaurant, even with a lower number of courses, can cost as much as one held in a hotel. This is also true when the couple needs to spend more on the decoration of the location, as most non-hotel venues do not include floral decorations as part of the package.

The next question would be – just exactly how much are you supposed to give? Well, it would be an auspicious thing to give a monetary figure that ends with the digit “8”, since it symbolizes fortune and acts as a good blessing to the newlyweds. Do avoid the digit “4”, since it is regarded as a dark omen of death! In general, give in multiples of twenties rather than tens. For example, S$160, S$180 or S$200, rather than S$130 or S$150.


In the event that you are unable to attend a wedding dinner at the last minute, you are still expected to give a red packet, since the couple needs to pay for your seat regardless of whether you turn up or not. In that case, it would be acceptable to give slightly less than the average rate. This shows sincerity to the couple that your blessings are with them despite not being able to attend, regretfully!

Another recent phenomenon we have observed is that couples are beginning to hold their weddings at unconventional places, such as a café or restaurant. In such cases, how much should you give? Discuss this with your group of friends beforehand and agree on a common rate. A good idea would be to call the establishment to find out the “breakeven cost” for the venue, so that at least the bride and groom would not be making a loss.

What if the couple has a church ceremony or a Registry Of Marriages ceremony on another day? Generally, if you are joining in the couple’s banquet, some people do not give much, or anything, during the ROM, but instead give it all together at the banquet. However, if you are only joining the ROM, be nice and contribute a token sum.

Weddings are incredibly fun events, so remember to give the appropriate amounts in red packets. If in doubt, it is always good to err on the side of generosity. You never know, some people keep spreadsheets and when it's your turn they might return the favour!

Visit La Belle Couture page to find out more about Peiru's work.

_{This post was first published on La Belle Couture blog and has been reposted on Executive Lifestyle with the permission of the author. Image from La Belle Couture
Edited by Nedda Chaplin
Reference:
2016 Ang Pao rates by La Belle Couture}

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